


Temp, The

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-03-18
Updated: 2005-03-18
Packaged: 2019-05-30 22:51:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15106463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Donna's sick and Josh does not react well to the temp.





	Temp, The

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**The Temp**

**by: Steph**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Category(s):** Humor  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** "The West Wing" and its characters do not belong to me. They belong to Aaron Sorkin, NBC, et al. This is just for fun out of a love for the show. No profit is made and no infringement is intended.   
**Summary:** Donna's sick and Josh does not react well to the temp.  


"Josh," Donna croaked into the telephone. 

"Who is this?" 

"It's me, Josh," Donna said in an annoyed tone. 

"Uncle George?" 

"No!" Donna yelled into the phone and then dissolved into a coughing fit. "It's me, Donna...Your assistant!" 

"Ah, yes, my assistant. Mind telling me why it's 7:30 am and you're not here." 

Donna rolled her eyes. "Take a wild guess, Josh. I sound like a cross between Kermit the Frog and, apparently, your Uncle George. Care to theorize on why I may not be there right now?" 

"You're having an identity crisis?" Josh ventured with a slight grin. 

"Josh!" Donna once again screamed. After another coughing fit subsided, she spoke again. "I'm sick." 

"Sick? You can't be sick." 

"Not only can I be, but I seem to be quite good at it." 

"Donna, I need you here. There are things that have to be done." 

"I already called Personnel, Josh. A temp is on her way." 

"A temp?! Donna, you know how I feel about temps." 

"Josh, you saw one thriller B-movie and now you think that if you ever encounter a temp she will surely kill you." 

"I'm just not willing to take any chances." 

"It's one day. I'll be back tomorrow." 

"Fine, but don't be surprised if you come here tomorrow only to find my lifeless body sprawled on the floor." 

"It's not like it hasn't happened before." 

"Yes, but note the word lifeless. As in dead, not simply drunk." 

"Josh, a bullet couldn't kill you, I somehow doubt a temp will." 

"Donna-..." 

"Got to go, Matlock's starting." 

"Matlock? You're leaving me to fend for myself against the evil of a temporarily employed person and you're watching an old guy solve cases?" 

"Yes, it's actually a very good one. The assistant kills her selfish, inconsiderate boss." 

Josh feigned laughter and growled, "I hope she gets life," before slamming the receiver down. 

* * * * * 

Josh lifted his head at the sound of knocking coming from his doorway. 

His eyes fell upon a little old woman. She smiled sweetly, as Josh's eyes perused her. 

The woman was barely five feet tall and didn't look a day over seventy-three. She wore a long plaid wool skirt, white blouse and red cardigan sweater that hung neatly over shoulders. Tiny glasses sat on the tip of her nose and her head was a mass of gray curls. She stood staring at Josh, as she clutched her oversized purse with both hands and shuffled her Dr. Scholls clad feet. 

Josh shook his head, wondering why in the world Sofia from 'The Golden Girls' was standing in his doorway. 

"May I help you?" he asked. 

The woman stepped forward and extended her hand to him, "Yes, dear, my name's Esther Perkins. I'm your temp." 

Josh took her hand in his and shook it, as his eyes raised in surprise. "I mean no disrespect, ma'am, but aren't you a bit old to be a temp? 

Esther laughed and shook her head, "Oh, I was secretary for a number of years. I retired over a decade ago and my husband and I traveled the country. But after he died I got so lonely that I just couldn't bear to spend all day alone. So, I work as a temp now." 

Josh nodded, as he eyed her suspiciously. He wasn't quite buying this innocent I'm-a-harmless-old-woman routine. For all he knew, she could be some serial killer who dresses up as old ladies to prey on unsuspecting, handsome, powerful men. Or she could be like those old women in 'Arsenic and Old Lace' who kill men and hide them in their basement. 

"Okay, well, for your first assignment I'd like you to go to my assistant's desk and find my schedule for the day," Josh instructed, his voice wavering a bit. 

"Yes, Mr. Lyman." With that, Esther turned on her heel and left the office. 

Josh hurried to the door, closed it and locked it. Then he went back to his desk and picked up the phone. He quickly dialed Donna's number and she picked up on the first ring. 

"Hello, Josh," Donna greeted him dryly. 

"How did you know it was me?" 

"The phone rings differently when you call." 

"Really?" 

"No, you idiot, it's called Caller I.D." 

"You're screening your calls?" 

"If I were then I wouldn't be talking to you." 

"I'm going to let that insult slide considering your condition." 

"What do you want, Josh?" 

"My temp arrived." 

"That's good." 

"She's old and smells like moth balls." 

Donna chuckled, "You don't have to marry her, Josh. Just survive one day with her, that's all." 

"I don't trust her. Her eyes seem shifty." 

"When did you turn into such a paranoid freak?" 

"When I was five and realized my shadow will never stop following me." 

"Good-bye," Donna groaned. 

"No! No, don't hang up. She can't hurt me if there are witnesses." 

"Tell her I'll testify in her defense that you are jerk who deserved to be stapled to death." 

"That's not funny," Josh said, as he quickly removed the stapler from the top of his desk and placed it in a drawer. 

"I thought it was funny." 

"You're a cold, heartless woman, Donnatella Moss." 

"Good-bye, Josh," Donna said, as she quickly hung up the phone. 

"No! Wait, Donna!...Okay, you're not there anymore. You hung up on me," Josh placed the phone back on its hook and continued to speak softly to himself. "And now I'm alone...Vulnerable, no one here to protect me. No one here to stop an old woman from stapling me to death...Okay, stop. The chances of that happening are slim to none...But it's the slim part that worries me. It could-..." 

Josh's monologue was interrupted by a knocking at his door. He swallowed the lump in his throat and said, "Come in." 

Esther entered wearing a big smile, while carrying a piece of paper in one hand and a mug in the other. 

She placed the paper on his desk, "That's your schedule for the day, Mr. Lyman." Josh nodded and watched as she placed the mug in front of him. "And here's some tea." 

Josh's initial reaction was, 'Tea. How very sweet, how nice, how anti-Donna.' He smiled at her, "Thank you, Esther." 

Josh picked up the tea and was about to take a sip of it when his eyes began to examine it more closely. It wasn't normal tea. It was green and smelled strange. 

"What kind of tea is this?" he inquired cautiously. 

Esther smiled at him, "Oh, it's my own special brew. I brought it with me in a thermos." 

Josh attempted a smile and slowly brought the mug to his lips as Esther's eyes watched him. Josh prayed that she'd become distracted, so that he wouldn't be forced to drink this witch's brew, as he had chosen to call it. Since it didn't look as if anything like that would happen, Josh decided to take matters into his own hands. 

With his free hand, he gestured to the door and said, "Hey, was that Tony Bennett who just walked by?'' 

As expected, Esther whipped her head around and even took a few steps towards the door. Josh used this distraction to dump the contents of the mug into a drawer in his desk. Not the smartest of moves, granted, but the best he could come up with on short notice. 

Esther turned back to Josh and he slowly brought the mug away from his lips as if he'd just finished drinking. 

She shook her head, "I don't believe that was Tony Bennett, dear." 

Josh shrugged, "My mistake." He paused and then smiled, "That was some great tea, Esther." 

"You finished it already?" Esther asked, as she peered into his empty mug. 

Josh grinned, "It was so good I couldn't finish it quickly enough." 

"Well, since you enjoyed it so much, there's more where that came from." 

"No!" Josh practically yelled, as he jumped out of his seat. Noticing Esther's reaction to his outburst, Josh continued calmly, "I mean, no thank you. I wouldn't want to overdo it. You know what they say about too much of a good thing." 

Esther smiled at him, "Oh, what a levelheaded young man you are." 

Josh smiled weakly, "Thank you, Esther." 

Esther smiled again, before turning around and leaving. 

Once again, Josh moved to the door, closing and locking it behind her. Then he went back to his desk and opened the drawer that he dumped the tea in. 

Fortunately for him, it was a drawer that contained only a spare tie and no important documents. 

Unfortunately for Sam, it was his tie. 

Josh shrugged and slammed the door shut. Then he quickly dialed Donna's number again. She picked up on the first ring. 

"Rico's House of Porn" 

"What?" Josh asked, his face twisting in confusion. 

"Hello, Josh." 

"Donna, what the hell was that?" 

"I was trying something new." 

"Promise me you'll never do that again." 

"Promise me you'll never call again." 

"Okay, enough with the never-gonna-happen promises. There are more important matters to discuss." 

"What happened? Did Grandma Moses try to suck you into her dangerous world of underground bingo playing?" Donna asked with a chuckle. 

"You laugh, but I could be dead right now." 

"Bingo's a dangerous game, Josh. You have to be willing to assume the risk." 

"Okay, could you be serious for half-a-second?" 

"You think your elderly temp is trying to kill you and you want me to be serious?" 

"Yes." 

"I think it's time you paid a visit to Stanley. Either one will do." 

"Fine, joke all you want. But I'm a man living on borrowed time, Donna." 

Donna rubbed at her eyes, "Yes, and your time will run out tomorrow when I kill you. Tell her not to, because I would like the pleasure." 

"She tried to poison me...With witch's brew. I'm no expert, but it smelled like a combination of eye of newt and semen from a righteous man." 

"I can't believe I am listening to this. What did I ever do to deserve this?" Donna muttered under breath. 

Josh continued, oblivious to her comments, "However, quick-witted man that I am, I survived the attack." 

Donna sighed, "Let me get this straight. She brought you tea and now you think you narrowly escaped death. That about right?" 

"Yes." 

"You're insane." 

"Her last name is Perkins," Josh said out of nowhere. 

"So?" 

"Perkins. Come on...You don't get it?" 

"I've been listening to your mad ravings all morning and I'm high on NyQuil, so, no, I don't get it." 

"Anthony Perkins was in 'Psycho'." 

"Give the man a prize," Donna said unenthusiastically. 

"In 'Psycho', his character killed his mother and dressed up like her when he murdered people." 

"Uh-huh." 

"Now do you get it?" 

"Get that your clinically insane? I got that two calls ago." 

"No! It's the perfect setup. She or he is using that character and that movie for inspiration. It's so obvious." 

"I'm hanging up now." 

"You don't believe me." 

"I believe that you've seen one too many horror movies." 

"Oh yeah? Well, try this one on for size. In that thriller B-movie where the temp kills the boss, the bosses' name is Josh...Now you think that's just an eerie coincidence?" 

"Yes." 

"Fine, but when I end up dead, don't say I didn't tell you so. I mean, is it really so hard to believe that I could be the target of this old woman? This could be my time. I've almost died three times already within the last year or so." 

"Three?" 

"A ceiling almost fell on me, I was shot and a banana came *this* close to hitting me in the head. Obviously, the Big Guy in the sky has it out for me. This is probably how it will happen." 

Donna groaned, "Yeah, you're right. God's out to kill you. The bullet didn't do the trick, so he sent a little old lady after you. 

"Ah, so you agree." 

"Good-bye, Josh," Donna said agitatedly, as she hung up the phone. 

Josh smiled, "I think I'm making progress with her." 

* * * * 

Josh slowly stirred and roughly rubbed at his eyes. Apparently, his paranoia had exhausted him and he had fallen asleep on his desk. He began to lift his head up when he felt someone looming over him. He turned his head upwards, only to find Esther standing over him with a pair of scissors in her hand. 

Josh immediately sat up straight and held his hands up in front of him in defense. "Hold it right there, Grandma!" 

Esther seemed startled at his outburst and jumped a bit. "Mr. Lyman, what's the matter?" 

"What's the matter? You just tried to fillet me with a pair of scissors!" 

Esther chuckled and shook her head. "Oh, don't be silly, dear. I was simply returning your scissors. I couldn't find any at your assistant's desk, so I borrowed yours while you were sleeping." 

Josh's eyes narrowed at her, not believing a word of her 'flimsy' explanation. However, he forced himself to smile and said, "Oh, I'm sorry if I startled you. I guess it was just a misunderstanding." 

Esther smiled pleasantly, placed his scissors down on his desk and left the room without another word. 

Once again, Josh walked to the door, closed it and locked it. Then he went to his desk, picked up the phone and dialed Donna's number. She picked up on the first ring. 

"Pizza Hut. May I take your order?" 

"Damn it, Donna. Why did you have to say that? Now I want pizza." 

"You mean as your last meal?" Donna asked with a smile. 

"She tried to kill me again." 

"What was it this time? Did she try to attack you with her knitting needles?" 

"No, but those could hurt." 

"What happened, Josh?" 

"She tried to turn me into confetti using a pair of scissors." 

"She tried to stab you," Donna said unconcerned. 

"Yes." 

"Right there in the West Wing with Secret Service mere yards away, she tried to stab you." 

"Yes," Josh said less forcefully. 

"You don't think that would be a bit messy?" 

"I think psychopaths don't care about getting their hands dirty, Martha Stewart!" 

"Josh," Donna said calmly, "listen to me carefully." 

"Okay." 

"Open the bottom drawer on the left hand side of your desk." 

"Oh, is there a weapon of some kind in there?" 

"Just do it." 

"Okay, I did it." 

"See that phone book." 

"Yes." 

"Take it out." 

"Oh, I see, we're going to call for help." 

"Turn to the 'M' section of the yellow pages." 

"Okay." 

"Now look for Mental Institution on that page. Pick one that's not too far away, drive there and check yourself in. I'll visit you in a couple of weeks." 

"Donna! That-..." Josh groaned as the sound of Donna hanging up rang in his ears. He finished his sentence, "Doesn't help." 

* * * * * 

"Okay, so I bake those cookies at 350 degrees for 35 minutes. Got it, Esther. Now about that angel food cake. What kind of pan would-..." 

"Sam!" Josh whispered loudly from the doorway where his head was sticking out. Sam turned away from Esther and looked at Josh. 

"I'm speaking with Esther right now, Josh." 

"I need you. There's a situation." 

Sam immediately adopted his serious-there's-a-situation face and excused himself. He walked to the office, entered and Josh closed the door behind him. 

"What happened? What's the situation?" Sam asked. 

"Esther's a psychopath bent on killing me," Josh said matter-of-factly. 

Sam responded with a loud laugh. "Bent on killing you? That's a good one. What's she doing? Killing you with kindness?" 

"Look, you don't have to believe me. Just watch your back, buddy." 

Sam shook his head at him, choosing to dismiss his accusation in the interest of preserving his sanity. "I just came to get my tie that you borrowed the other day, okay? I got some salad dressing on this one and that's my only spare." 

Josh's brow furrowed and he ran a hand through his hair as he spoke, "Yeah, about the tie...It had...Well, it had a bit of an accident." 

"Accident? What kind of accident?" Sam asked worriedly. 

"Seems someone poured tea in the drawer it was in and kind of ruined it," Josh said as he lifted the soggy tie out of the drawer and held it out in front of Sam. 

Sam's face fell and he whimpered, "My tie. My fifty dollar silk tie." 

"On the bright side, this thing's got great absorbency. It soaked up that entire mug of tea. My drawer's as dry as a rice cake." 

"Oh, it's got great absorbency, huh? Great! I'll remember that the next time I run out of Tampons and Maxi pads!" 

"Whoa!" Josh said holding up his hands, "Someone's got an unnatural attachment to their tie." 

"Give me that!" Sam snarled at him and snatched it from his grasp. 

With that, Sam left the office while muttering expletives under his breath. 

* * * * * 

"Esther Perkins...E-S-T-H-E-R P-E-R-K-I-N-S. Yes, that's right. Please pull up her FBI file and tell me what you find." Josh waited patiently while the person checked. 

"Mr. Lyman?" 

"Yes?" 

"We have no record of an Esther Perkins." 

"She doesn't have an FBI file?" 

"No, I mean I searched our databases and we have no record of her even existing." 

Josh's eyes widened and his mouth fell open. 

He hung up the phone without saying another word and immediately walked to his door to lock it. Then, as he'd done many times before, he walked to his desk, picked up the phone and dialed Donna's number. She answered on the first ring. 

"I hate you," she greeted him. 

"Are you trying something new again?" 

"Actually, I've hated you for quite some time. I'm just now verbalizing it." 

"Listen, I ran a check on Esther and-..." 

"You what?" 

"I ran a check." 

"You checked her record?" 

"Her FBI file, but that's not the point. The point is-..." 

"That you're even more unhinged than I originally thought?" 

"Donna, listen-..." 

"I can't believe you did a check on her." 

"What's so hard to believe? I ran a check on you before I hired you." 

"You hired me twenty minutes after we met." 

"Okay, so I ran a check on you after I hired you." 

"You ran a check on me?" 

"Yes." 

"What did you find?" 

"A couple of parking tickets and a shoplifting incident." 

"I never shoplifted!" 

"Well, you were never convicted." 

"Joshua!" 

"Okay, okay, take it easy. I'm just joking." 

"So you never ran a check on me?" 

"Oh no, I did that." He paused and then added, "I had to. You know how these things work. You have to be fully checked out before working for a presidential candidate." 

Donna nodded, realizing that was true. 

"So what did you find out about Aunt Bea?" 

"Don't call her that." 

"Why not?" 

"Because Aunt Bea was my favorite character on 'The Andy Griffith Show.' I'd rather you not use her name when referring to this scissor-wielding, witch-brewing, psycho-granny." 

Donna rolled her eyes, "Fine. Just tell me what happened." 

"The guy searched the database and there is no record of an Esther Perkins even existing!" Josh said excitedly, as he slammed his fist down on the desk. 

"Oh yeah?" Donna said unenthusiastically. 

"Oh yeah? That's all you can say? I'm being hunted by madwoman who doesn't even exist and all you can say is 'oh yeah'?" 

"There could be a number of explanations for that, Josh." 

"Oh, really. Name one," he challenged confidently. 

"She spells her name differently, she goes by a different first name than the one on record, she-..." 

"Okay, okay, I said name one," Josh interrupted, as her ran a hand through his hair. "I suppose that's possible." 

"Josh, why don't you just stop looking at this woman as sinister and see her for the sweet, little old lady she really is." 

"And let my guard down! That's what she's waiting for, Donna." 

"Stop calling me," Donna said in a groan. 

"Stop picking up the phone," he countered. 

"And allow your constant ringing to make the pounding in my head even worse?" 

"Then stop complaining." 

"I think I'll just change my phone number and not tell you." 

"Really?" 

"Good-bye," Donna moaned into the receiver before hanging up. 

* * * * 

"Esther, could you come in here a moment, please?" Josh called to his temp, as he stuck his head out of the office. 

"Yes, sir," Esther replied and immediately headed towards him. 

Josh closed the door behind her and gestured to a chair, "Please, have a seat." 

Esther sat down and Josh took his place behind the desk. He folded his hands in front of him and smiled pleasantly at her. "I'd just like to ask you a couple of questions. I like to get to know the people I work with personally. I feel it makes for a more positive work environment." 

Esther nodded and smiled, "I think that's a lovely thing to do, Mr. Lyman." 

"Okay, let's get started. Is Esther Perkins your real name?" Josh asked, carefully watching her reaction." 

"No, dear," she replied without hesitation. 

'She admits it!' Josh thought excitedly. 'Take that, Donna!' 

"My first name is really Gertrude. I hate that name so I go by my middle, Esther." 

Josh's face fell. 'Damn you and your logic, Donna.' 

"Okay, let's see. You say you've traveled a lot." 

"That's right, dear." 

"Ever been to Montana?" 

"Many times." 

"What's their state flower then?" Josh asked, as he eyed her. 

"Oh, dear, I don't know." 

"AH-HA!" Josh said, as he pointed a finger at her. "You're a fraud! I knew it." 

Esther laughed nervously, "A fraud? Don't be silly, Mr. Lyman. I just don't study the state flowers of the states I visit, that's all." 

Josh took a deep breath and said in an unconvinced tone, "Of course, you don't." He paused and then added, "Okay, last question. You said you were a secretary for a number of years. How many words can you type per minute?" 

"Oh, dear, I used to be able to type sixty words per minute, but-..." 

"Sixty?" Josh interjected, "Okay, sixty it is." He picked up his laptop, then stood up and walked over to her. He placed the computer on her lap. 

"Go," he said, as he looked at his watch. 

Esther looked up at him in confusion, "Go where, dear?" 

Josh gestured at the laptop, "Do go anywhere. Just start typing. I'm timing you." 

"Oh, dear, I can't type like I used to. These old fingers of mine have succumbed to arthritis." 

"Are you saying you lied about being able to type sixty words per minute?" 

"Oh no, Mr. Lyman. I never lie. I said I used to be able to type sixty words per minute." 

"Can you or can't you?" 

Esther shrugged, "Well, I'll give it my darnedest I guess." 

Esther opened and closed her fingers a number of times before beginning to type. Once she had, she moved at an incredibly slow rate. 

Josh shook his head, as he concealed his smile. "Time's up." He looked at the screen, "Let's see how you did." Josh counted the words on the screen and shook his head, "Ten words per minute. Not sixty, Esther." 

Esther chuckled, "Well, dear, I told you that these old fingers have seen better days." 

Josh attempted a smile and then gestured to the door, "Thank you, Esther. You may go now." 

Esther got up and left the office. 

Josh immediately performed the tasks he had a number of times before, finally ending by dialing Donna's number. This time, she picked up on the fourth ring. 

"Hello, Josh." 

"What took you so long?" 

"I was in the bathroom. You mind?" 

"No, no, do what you have to do." 

"Well, thank you very much." Donna said sarcastically. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" 

"I quizzed her." 

"Esther?" 

"Yes." 

"You quizzed her?" 

"Yes." 

"You quizzed a seventy-three old woman?" 

"Yes." 

"On what?" 

"Her name." 

"And?" 

"You were right," Josh said softly. 

Donna smiled proudly, "What else did you ask her?" 

"She said she'd been to Montana a number of times, so I asked her what its state flower was." 

"You asked her what the state flower of Montana is?" 

"Yes and she didn't know it. See, she's a fraud." 

"She didn't know the state flower of Montana so that makes her a fraud." 

"Well, it's certainly compelling evidence." 

"Let's hope you never serve on a jury, Josh." 

"What?" 

"Josh, what state do you hail from?" 

"Connecticut." 

"And what is its state flower?" 

Josh stuttered, "Th...that's not the point, Donna." 

"You don't know the state flower of your own state, yet you expected a woman who has simply visited a state to know its state flower." 

"Well, it's not-..." 

"Are you a fraud, Josh? Do you actually hail from Connecticut?" 

Josh groaned, "Okay, point taken." 

"Good," Donna said with a smile. 

"But," Josh said sharply, "there's more." 

"What else?" Donna asked, her tone indicating little interest. 

"She said she could type sixty words per minute, but I tested her-..." 

"You tested her?" Donna asked incredulously. 

"Yes." 

"You gave her a typing test?" 

"Yeah and she tried to get out of it with some lame story about arthritic fingers, but-..." 

"You gave a typing test to a seventy-three year old woman with arthritis?" 

"Yes." 

"Have you no heart?" 

Josh scoffed, "Oh, please, it's not like I asked her to bungy jump off a bridge. I asked her type." 

"Josh, she has arthritic fingers, of course she can't type sixty words." 

"Convenient excuse, don't you think?" 

"You know what?" 

"What?" 

"You're an idiot." 

"Donna, I-..." 

"You're an idiot who helps run our country and, quite frankly, I fear for the future of this nation." 

"I think you're overreacting just a bit." 

"*I'm* overreacting? *I'm* overreacting? Well, if that's not the pan calling the kettle black." 

"Pot," Josh corrected softly. 

"What?" 

"It's pot. The saying is pot calling the kettle black, not pan." 

Donna groaned and spoke through gritted teeth, "Well, excuse me for not getting the saying right. I'm only sick to my stomach, with a pounding headache and a nose that's more stuffed than a Junior High School's girl's training bra." 

Josh laughed and said, "Wow, you're really sick." 

"Ya think?" 

"You should rest." 

Donna sighed loudly, "I've been trying to." 

"I'm gonna go now," Josh said, sensing Donna's unhappiness with him. 

Donna slammed the phone down without even saying good-bye. Josh shrugged and placed the phone down on the hook. "Looks like someone gets crabby when she's sick." 

* * * * * 

Josh had his feet placed on his desk and was leaning back in his chair, paperwork on his lap, when he heard what seemed to be a grunt coming from his doorway. He looked up from his work and his eyes widened at the...creature...standing before him. 

Josh was so startled that he nearly fell back in his chair. He stumbled a bit, but managed to get to his feet. 

"D...Donna?" he asked cautiously. 

She nodded, as Josh's eyes examined her appearance. 

She looked truly terrible. She was wearing baggy sweatpants and a very wrinkled T-shirt. Her hair was a tangled mess that resembled a nest more than a hairdo. Her face were even more pale than usual, except for the raw red area around her nose. Her eyes were nearly bloodshot and were surrounded by big, dark bags. 

Josh searched for some words, "So, what brings you by?" 

"What brings me by?" Donna asked sharply. "I figured I could get more rest at work than at home with you calling every five minutes with your paranoid ravings." 

Josh laughed and waved a hand at her, "Oh, that. Yeah, I'll admit I was acting a bit crazy. Water under the bridge now." 

"What?" Donna asked in confusion, her voice tinged with irritation. 

Before Josh could answer, Esther walked into the office and handed Josh a mug of her special brew. 

He smiled warmly at her and took a sip, "Thanks, Esther." 

"What's going on?!" Donna asked before having a coughing fit. 

"Esther, this is my assistant, Donna. Donna, this is my temp, Esther Perkins." 

Esther smiled at Donna, "Oh, dear, you shouldn't be out in your condition. You know what you need? Some of my specially brewed tea." 

Josh smiled and held his mug up, "It's good stuff, Donna. It'll hit the spot." 

Donna was beyond confused. Esther left the room to retrieve some tea for her. Donna stared at Josh and then gestured to the woman in the bullpen. 

"What's going on, Josh? A half an hour ago you were shaking in your shoes because of that woman." 

Josh chuckled, "Yeah, that was pretty stupid. You're right, I was overreacting." 

"So how did you come to this realization?" 

Josh smiled and picked up a wool hat from his desk. "Esther knitted me this hat on her lunch break. We got to talking and I realized that she's a sweet, innocent little old lady." 

Donna brought a steadying hand to her pounding head. "That's all it took. A hat? I've been trying to reason with you all day and all it took was a hat?" 

Josh grinned and took another sip of tea, "Yeah, how about that?" 

"I quit," Donna said. 

"Donna." 

"No, I quit. I mean, I listen to you all day and then I drag myself out of bed, so that you can get rid of the temp and return to normal and this is what I get? I quit." 

"Take tomorrow off, too. You deserve it. Esther and I will be fine." 

"I quit, Josh. I'm leaving to pursue my dream of working the McDonald's drive-thru window." 

Josh smiled and gestured to her appearance, "Okay, but they require their employees to look a...uh...certain way." 

Donna's eyes narrowed at him, "Oh no, you did not just insult my appearance." 

"You've looked better." 

"I'm sick, you moron!" 

"Then you should be at home in bed." 

"I know!" 

"Because, frankly, I think you're scaring a lot of the staff." 

"I hate you." 

"You look like some unidentified creature that was just discovered by scientists frozen somewhere." 

"Did you just call me a creature?" 

"No." 

"You called me a creature." 

"Now, see, Esther's not this sensitive," Josh said with a well-hidden smile. 

Donna groaned and turned around to leave, "Good-bye, Joshua. I hope you and Mrs. Roper will be very happy." 

"Okay, see you Wednesday. Thanks for coming in. Get well soon," Josh yelled at her retreating figure. 

"Go to hell!" Donna yelled over her shoulder, causing the employees in the surrounding area to turn in her direction. 

Just then, Esther entered the office carrying the mug of tea. "I saw your assistant leave. She made a bit of a scene out in the bullpen. If you don't mind me saying, she seems a bit hysterical." 

Josh nodded, as he placed his arm around Esther's shoulder, "Yes, well, we all can't be as levelheaded as I am." 

Esther smiled and patted his cheek gently, "That's right. Now drink your tea, dear." 

Josh smiled, as he brought the mug to his lips and began to gulp it. 

THE END 


End file.
